Monday Meditation: Staycation Relaxation

I was on vacation last week, and used that time in contemplation. My conclusion was that I had too many irons in the online fires.

The Samhain's Sirens project has run its course, so it's been gently laid to rest. I've spent a lot of time serving the online Pagan community between that project and The Sunday Stew, but not enough time in reading, writing, and doing artful things.

This is a flaw of mine; I tend to give back more than I take in for my own growth and edification. I'm learning to change this, and I highly encourage you other overachievers to do the same.

Many people see Samhain as "The Witches' New Year"- I do not. I see it as the beginning of "the time between the times," with Yule as the beginning of the new year. It's okay to see it however you like, this is just my particular bent. So, during this time, I'm planning to do a little "cocooning" and doing more things that are not related to community service. I want to play around with photography, pyrography, drawing, writing and designing a new website.

My "Year of Living Dauntlessly" is quickly coming to a close. I'm pretty proud of the things I've accomplished thus far, most around drawing boundaries and defending them, but also in the areas of doing things my way and in the manner that makes me happy.I've also been reviewing ways of living a more healthy lifestyle.  I'll be spending this time pondering this year, and as the new year approaches, looking for a new theme for next year. I think next year may just be the "Year of Living Artfully" (note to Sharon R: Yep, I'll be ordering a jar here, soon ;) )

It's been a great time off from work, and I did all of the things I wanted to do. I feel relaxed and ready to take on whatever the job has for me in the coming week.

I highly recommend taking some time to contemplate where you are, where you've been this year, and where you want to go. The holidays can be a very stressful, busy time, but they don't have to be that way for you. You can set boundaries and simplify wherever you like. This is your story- don't let anyone else write it for you.

I wish you a peaceful week ahead.

Sláinte! (To your good health!)

Monday Meditation: Control, and the Art of Surrender

Monday is usually the beginning of the work week for most of us. It's become popular to dread and demonize this day throughout the world. Monday is going to come, whether we like it or not. Things are going to happen that are out of our control. How we view them will make the difference.


The dictionary defines control as exercising authoritative or dominating influence over; to direct.

Control is mostly an illusion, and there are many of us who have a hard time accepting that. We like to call ourselves "control freaks". We get stressed out over things that are totally beyond our scope of responsibility or sphere of dominance. I purposefully use the word 'dominance' as it is an integral part of our species' personality- to dominate or have dominion over things.

We spend a lot of time worrying over things that are not within our control. We cannot control the actions and behaviors of others. We may be able to influence, but we do not control them. What they do is really their choice, and you can only choose to control your own response to it.

I've always taught my children that those who cannot control themselves attempt to control others. I've seen that bear out in my own life, as well as in the lives of others.

Our "span of control" is much smaller than we want to admit. We don't even have total conscious control over our own bodies. We do have control over our choices (to a degree. Given the choice between two undesirable things, it may not be much control),  and can work on controlling our responses and emotions.

We attempt to control things because we have worry over the outcome. We worry that we know what's best and we become attached to a specific outcome, thinking that, like The Highlander, "There can be only one."

There is a lovely Buddhist philosophy called 'The Art of Surrender.' It speaks to that place inside you that keeps fighting yourself, the Universe, the rest of the world. You surrender your worry there.

This isn't about not acting, or just sitting around waiting for something to happen. It's about relaxing.. letting yourself be okay without having to control it all, or stress over it. It comes from a place of peace within and trusting that it's going to work out.

So, just for today, let's make a pact to practice The Art of Surrender. When that 'need to control' pops up inside, we'll imagine ourselves just letting go, trust falling into The Mystery...take a deep breath... now, smile and be at peace.

That in itself is a form of control ;)

Shock jocks, Perceptions and Expensive Tea (Yes, I need more coffee)

I'm sitting here at my mundane job, trying to get the motivation to open up the courseware I'm developing and get moving. I need MUCH more coffee today. On the way to work, I was listening to the local shock jocks talking, and they actually discussed something interesting, for once. Usually, they act like junior highschool boys and talk about "boobies and farts". I don't normally listen to them, but there were commercials on the other stations, so I stopped. I'm kind of glad I did.

Today, one of them shared that he had gone to purchase some Teavana tea for his girlfriend's birthday. The person at the counter suggested that he make up a special blend, so he chose a couple of teas to put together for her. By the time this exercise was completed, a decent-sized line had formed behind the radio jock, and all he wanted to do was to pay and get out of the way.

To his surprise, the tea came out to a whopping $70.00.  He really didn't want to pay that much, but by now, the line was long and the person had already mixed up this special blend of teas that the radio guy had chosen. He ended up buying the tea, even though he couldn't afford it. Afterward, he consoled himself with thoughts like, "Well, it's my girlfriend's birthday. She's certainly worth seventy dollars!" and "It's not that big a deal. It's only money."

Interestingly enough, the other boys in the studio were right there with him. They all discussed how they've felt that pressure to buy something that they couldn't afford at one time or another. It was fascinating to hear them all talk about how they would get to the counter, hear or see the price come up and feel that sense of blood draining from their faces and their stomachs beginning to feel sick. Yet, they all said that they paid for the items anyway. Several of them said that they would send food back if it wasn't cooked properly at a restaurant, but they all said they had paid at the register.

I've done that myself. I didn't expect to pay that much for something, or the price wasn't made  clear, but at the register, I've paid it; then tried to console myself with very much the same excuses and platitudes that the radio jock did.

What really caught my attention was how they all agreed that they do it. None of them wanted to look like a cheapskate. None of them wanted to admit, "I'm too poor to buy this." None of them wanted to be the guy that stood up and said, "Whoa, there barista-person. This costs more than your weekly paycheck! I am not paying that much money for a couple of ounces of tea." And, none of them wanted to be the one to hold the line up any further. It was all about what these strangers, whom they admitted they'd probably never see again in their lives, would think of them. That's kind of profound, immature rock-jocks. I'm a little nonplussed at your ability to go deep. Moreover, you've given me something to consider today.

Why DO we pay for something like that? Why do we allow ourselves to be bullied by our own perceptions of what someone else may or may not be thinking about us, particularly when none of them pays our bills, cares for us in any way, nor even knows our first names? In all likelihood, we'll never see them again. This smacks of Mulengro to me. It goes to expectation and assumption.

In keeping with my Year of Being Dauntless, I'm going to have to add this to my list of things I must no longer do. Thanks radio guys. Maybe I'll tune in again, sometime.

How about you? Do you relate to these guys? How have you taken steps to overcome the self-talk that assumes the perceptions of others and relegates that to importance? I'd love to read your tips!

Thursday's Child: There are days...

There are days when I feel like it's nothing but struggle. In my introductory post, I explained that for years, I thought "Thursday's Child has far to go" meant that I'd always have to fight to get anywhere. Sometimes, it's like I'm knee-deep in quicksand and mud, while wearing combat boots with 50 lb weights. It can be wearying, and I want to give up.

I know I'm not alone in this. Everyone feels this way, at times. Somehow, that just isn't comforting. This is about ME, not the nebulous, "rest of the world". I want to wallow in self-pity, hide under the covers, and just let it all fall apart. Wouldn't that be nice? Let someone else be responsible, for once.

No, I know I can't. If I did, I'd just have to clean up the mess and go through it all over again- and, that thought is even more formidable than trudging through the mire. It's not that failure isn't an option. Surrender is what's out of the question. It isn't in my DNA. I have to keep going, because that's who I am. I have people and other creatures depending on me. There's no time for wallowing, here.

So, *deep breath* pick up left foot- put it down;repeat with the right. Eventually, it'll get better. If nothing else, these legs are going to be in seriously good shape when I get out of here. And, isn't mud good for the skin? Hell, rich folks pay big money to bathe in this stuff!

Ok, I can do this...

Beannú na déithe's n'aindhéithe ort
("The blessings of the gods and the non-gods upon you".)

Thursday's child is a series of blog posts where I examine what it means "to go far". I hope you'll join me in this exploration each week.

Sports, HUH...GoodGawdY'all

From the age of 7, I've been a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I've watched all of their games religiously, and cheered them through 6 Superbowl victories, and many losses. Loyalty to a team was how I was raised, so I never flip-flopped on my team, no matter where I lived.  This past season in particular, I've really begun to question the cost-benefit of watching professional sports, particularly football, given the effects it has on fans, and its anti-female stance.

When I was growing up, gender roles were much more defined than they are today. Me liking sports placed the 'tomboy' label squarely upon me. At that time, I wore it with pride, as being a 'girly girl' just wasn't something palatable to me. I liked playing football, baseball, being a cheerleader, majorette, etc... athletics were something I loved- challenging my personal best brought me joy.

When my team began to become a major player in the NFL, I was 9. "The Immaculate Reception" in 1972 seemed to kick off a decade of Steelers' victories. It was wonderful. The 80s? Not so much. The 90s saw a resurgence of my team's victories, and in the past decade and a half, they've maintained a relatively good standing overall. But, throughout all of those years, good sportsmanship was the mantra.

I used to smack-talk with friends of other teams, with the understanding that it didn't get taken too far, and that, in the end, the friendship was much more important than a sports game. One Superbowl between the Cowboys and Steelers, my friends who were Dallas fans, were allowed to take up half my living room with their Cowboys decor, while us Steeler fans took the other side. Dallas beat us that year, and yet, not one person on the winning side was a poor winner, and not one of us on the losing side was a poor loser. We had a great time, and talked about that night for years.

Moving to Maryland was a culture-shock, as I experienced the rabidity of fandom at its worst. I've traveled a lot in my life, but I had never come across people who treated others so badly when it came to football. Sportsmanship just doesn't seem to be in the vocabulary of the majority of fans in my adopted home state. My friend Michele pointed out that after the Colts left Baltimore, many fans took on other teams such as mine and the Redskins. In retrospect, I have to admit that I've seen native Baltimore Steelers fans who behave just as badly.. perhaps it's a regional issue- I don't know, but the lack of good sportsmanship is rampant around here. It's even infected family members to the point where I don't want to talk football with them anymore.

Good sportsmanship is realizing that a game is a game. Friendships and familial relationships should be much more important. As Michele also aptly pointed out, kindness is something lacking in many areas of American life these days. I would also add that respect is its missing companion. And, respect for women within this group of franchises is sorely scarce.

49% of the NFL fanbase is female. Yet, the incidents like that with Ray Rice only prove that women are not respected by those who run the league. When we are so completely ignored, why should we support it?  There is no honor when it comes to the almighty dollar, it seems.

I think it's time for me to hang up the jersey and find something more worthwhile to do with my time left here. I'd rather be loving and respectful of others, and know that I am supporting institutions who do the same than to spend a few hours each week in the summer/autumn timeframe engulfed in flame wars and disrespect.

If I am lucky enough to be old and gray and sitting on my front porch reviewing my life, I don't think my football fandom will be something I'll regret giving up, particularly given the climate I'm seeing today.